


Monophobia; The Fear Of Loneliness.

by arkhams_misfit



Series: Irrational Fear [2]
Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Heavy Angst, I didnt proofread rip, M/M, Please read this i feel proud of it., Sad, vv short lmao, wtf is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-10
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-29 01:28:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13916448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arkhams_misfit/pseuds/arkhams_misfit
Summary: A broken heart kills; it changes who you are and how you think, but loneliness tortures.It strips away all life, leaving you to just be a mere shell of a man who was once a person.





	Monophobia; The Fear Of Loneliness.

Ryan sits on his bed, mind wandering off to Neverland for the umpteenth time that day. He stares at the Polaroid shots pinned up on his corkboard with a solemn expression, quite unlike the several different emotions that the people in the photos had. Smiles stretched across everyone's faces on the photos and an aura of joy made the photographs look brighter than it was. It was the epitome of joy and Ryan was foolish to take what he had for granted.

Important events of your life pass you by just like any other day, but for some people, they feel like time slows down and others, they get caught up in the moment and their lives speed up for just a little while. But none of this matters. You never truly realize what you have until it's gone, and you never really know if a moment is significant until years, or even decades later.

 

He stares at one of the photos. It was one with Bryce taken at the summer camp they had at the last year of high school.

He barely remembers when he first met Bryce in high school. Science was never a fun class for him but he needed to do a semester's worth of work and apparently, Bryce was in the same boat. Their hatred for the subject pulled them together and an unbreakable bond was formed between them.

But some friendships never last forever. It's there one moment and gone the next.

As they both got into different universities, the daily texts faded out to weekly replies, and these eventually faded out to monosyllabic monthly texts that neither of them returned to the other.

Unfortunate, but Ryan understood. The lack of contact was mutual and he knew that they were too busy to arrange anything.

He recalls a flash of purple from the hoodie the blonde always used to wear.

 

The next one was one that he took with Jonathan and he almost cries as he looks up at the photo.

He was the next significant person came in suddenly into his life, their first words exchanged over coffee and stained shirts.

It was an accident, no matter how cliché it sounded. Jonathan was that infuriating person who ran across the street with 3 coffees that he was balancing with one hand and Ryan was that unfortunate person who ran into him.

After half-hearted apologies mixed in with a nervous chuckle from the culprit and an infuriated glare from Ryan himself, they decided to settle things over coffee. Ryan soon found out that Jonathan was a person who didn't have a plan, who was way too carefree for his own good but he never saw anxiety radiating from him, but he never left him behind to fend for himself. Jon reassured him, made him feel better about himself and made college way more bearable.

However, he was gone as quickly as he came along. He was the daylight in Ryan's winter solstice.

He sighs as he recalls a mass of daisies tinged with blue, like cheerfulness with a hint of grief.

 

The last memorable photo was of a man named Luke.

He was the previous man that Ryan loved and possibly the last one. He came into his life ablaze, red and searing hot but he didn't mind. He set Ryan's heart on fire and overwhelmed him with emotions.

They clicked like puzzle pieces and he knew that there was something pulling them towards each other but Ryan found out the hard way that what doesn't belong to you, isn't yours to keep.

Luke was one of a kind, an extraordinarily rare gem in a sea of ordinary stones. Happiness with him wasn't forced and fights never lasted. Arguments were settled over hungry kisses more desperate than ever.

But the flame in their hearts that they once shared was extinguished by the harsh reality of their situation. The wave came along and the fire struggled to breathe and fight for what it wanted.

The cold washed it out for good, and tears fell from Ryan's eyes; the waterfall of emotions drowned the broken pieces of his heart, down the very bottom of the seabed where it was impossible for him to retrieve.

 

A broken heart kills; it changes who you are and how you think, but loneliness tortures. It strips away all life, leaving you to just be a mere shell of a man who was once a person.


End file.
